Tall, Dark & Heartless

I’ll admit, I side-eyed the ‘grumpy immortal’ premise at first—how many more centuries-old alphas can one genre handle? But *Tall, Dark & Heartless* won me over by leaning *hard* into the absurdity of its own tropes. Caine isn’t just brooding; he’s *exhausted* by humanity, a vibe Stella Bloom nails with a voice that’s equal parts gravel and eye-roll. Her performance is the audiobook’s secret weapon: she makes Caine’s deadpan threats (‘I’ve buried men for less’) sound like foreplay, and her delivery of the heroine’s clueless optimism is so spot-on you’ll cackle when she cheerfully ignores his death glares. The chemistry between them crackles because Bloom treats the dialogue like a screwball comedy, not a melodrama. That said, the pacing isn’t perfect. The middle act drags slightly as the plot meanders through subplots (a vengeful ex, a Pyte council that feels underutilized), and Mathewson’s love of tangential banter occasionally tests the 14-hour runtime. I also wished for more emotional payoff in Caine’s backstory—his trauma is hinted at but never fully explored, which makes his eventual vulnerability feel a touch abrupt. But the production itself is flawless: crisp audio, consistent character voices, and a narrator who clearly *gets* the tone. This isn’t a romance for purists who want slow-burn angst; it’s for listeners who’d rather their immortal heroes be sarcastic, slightly unhinged, and—when pushed—terrifyingly possessive. If that’s your jam, Bloom’s performance will have you rewinding the funniest (and filthiest) lines repeatedly.